Hi. It’s been a while. Most recently, my team (well, Dyson) and I have been ass-deep researching ways to send Katy Perry and Gayle King back to space for a much longer journey, so that takes a lot of my time. It’s complicated, though we realize that we can save a horseload of time and money if we don’t sweat the part where they return to Earth. 👍👍
Anyway, this will be a longer-than-usual post so here is the TL;DR if you’re too busy:
I’m still in a mood. Welcome back.
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This post is inspired by a recent phone conversation I had with my friend Jeff. We were comparing notes on movies and TV shows we thought the other should see and it led to a discussion between two grumpy guys, children of the 60s (Jeff) and 70s (me), regarding TV then and now.
When we were growing up, there were maybe six channels. We switched on the TV, waited for it to warm up (like, actually warm up) sat in front of it and turned the dial (yes, a physical dial) with our (actual) hands.
This was a typical TV-watching session:
<3> I Dream of Jeannie
- click -
<4> Little House on the Prairie
- click -
<5> Lost in Space
- click -
<7> Happy Days
- click -
<11> Yankees baseball
- click -
<13> Sesame Street
- click -
That’s it. Out of channels. Let’s make another circuit of the dial and see if any new programming has been launched in the past 90 seconds:
<3> I Dream of Jeannie
- click -
<4> Little House on the Prairie
- click -
You get the idea.
So, not much on TV, but VERY easy to find EVERYTHING that was on TV.
Today, there is virtually (maybe even literally) an infinite number of things on the thousands of channels, streaming apps and social medium platforms.
But good luck finding any of it.
How many times have you had this conversation:
“You should watch ‘Ozark.’ It’s fantastic.”
“Oh yeah. What’s it on?”
“HBO. No. Wait. It’s Hulu. And HBO is now called Max.”
“It’s not called HBO Max?”
“Maybe, but ‘Ozark’ is on Hulu. Or maybe Paramount.”
“Are you sure it’s not on Netflix?”
“Ah yes, but it is going off Netflix in two days and I think then seasons 1-3 are on Amazon Prime and then the rest of the seasons you can purchase on Apple TV.”
“OK, that sucks. How much? “
“$2.99 per episode but you can buy a whole season for $19.99.”
“Great, but that all seems pretty complicated and expensive. I think I’ll just watch ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ reruns for free on Tubi.”
“What’s Tubi?
“It’s an app. Totally free, but you have to watch commercials.”
“Like in 1973?”
“Exactly.”
This got me to thinking about other modern marvels that existed when I was a kid and that now make dubious claims of vast improvements in the intervening 50 years, including:
The phone. Once upon a time, you picked up the phone and dialed seven (or 11 if long distance) numbers. Someone picked up on the other end and you had a nice, clear, uninterrupted conversation over reliable copper wires. If you had to call Detroit, or Guam, you took out a second mortgage, signed your house over to Ma Bell, and dialed (yes, another dial) Grandma. Or you got a busy signal and hung up. Simple, effective, productive.
Today, roughly 40 years after cell phones started to come onto the scene, we still have shitty calls on shitty networks, that drop calls constantly. That assumes that someone even bothers to call. These days, most people have the attitude of “Why engage in a 30 second phone conversation when we can send and then not respond to each other’s texts over the course of hours, days and weeks.”
Does this text exchange ring a bell?:
“Lunch next week?”
“Sure!”“What day works for you?”
<Four days later>
“Still up for lunch?”
<Cue crickets>
<Five billion years pass>
<Sun burns out. All life in solar system, including crickets, dies of starvation without ever having enjoyed lunch>
So, yeah. It’s nice to have an app to order a pack of Twinkies and a Yoohoo delivered to our door (since, apparently, we’ve been ghosted and are NOT going to lunch). But would the occasional garbled phone conversation kill us?
Cars: Crank windows. No air conditioning. AM radio only. Push the lever toward the red side for heat. Slide it back the other way for less heat.
Today, if you want to listen to your favorite radio station (if it’s still on the air), you have to go six menu layers deep on a touchscreen to change the station. Sure, the old cars rusted to pieces after 50,000 miles, and the AM radio reception went to shit if you had to run the wipers at the same time, but at least you knew that the only button on the steering wheel would blast the horn and not accidentally open the sunroof or launch a tactical nuke on your neighbor’s house.Stereo system: I started building my Taj Mahal of stereo systems in college and over the course of about 20 years, ended up with an audiophile’s dream. Turn it on, hit play, listen to music.
But a few years ago, I got all sucked in by the promise of whole-house wireless streaming technology by a company called Sonos. I slowly put Sonos speakers throughout the house, including TV surround sound and then sold off my vintage stereo system on eBay.
Then, Doom’s Day happened for Sonos users a year ago, in May 2024. Sonos updated its app to some sort of new, cloud-based back-end system that was apparently designed by ex-pat Soviet programmers left over from the cold war who write code in the Cyrillic version of Fortran. It was an unmitigated disaster. Speakers stopped working and/or disappeared from the app entirely. If you changed volume or switched to a different song, the system would take anywhere from 10 to infinity seconds to react. It was so bad that the CEO lost his job, and the stock price is still off 45% since May of last year, remaining at all an all-time low since the company went public. One year on, systems worldwide still are not 100% back to the way it was and there is chatter about whether Sonos will survive as a company. If Sonos does go belly-up, I presume that I will have a houseful of ugly plant holders where speakers used to be and will have to buy back my old system on eBay if I want to listen to music. (Seriously: Search “Sonos app fiasco” and read some of the coverage. It’s painful.)Bicycle: I bought my first new bicycle in 15 years last year and really like it. It’s more comfortable for my cranky back and is loaded with many great modern bicycling accoutrements including:
- Electronic shifting: the 22 gears shift electronically via wireless signal from the brake-mounted shift levers- Rear radar: Tells me when cars are approaching behind me with a graphical display on my handlebar-mounted GPS bike computer
- Front and rear flashing lights: make me more visible to cars
- Disc brakes: Very powerful and precise
- Handlebar mounted Bluetooth speaker: For listening to all the music I can no longer listen to at home with my borked Sonos system
So, I like all this stuff, but here’s the thing: I now have to charge or replace seven (7!) batteries to operate this bike. Since I am a bit anal-retentive when it comes to my technology, I wouldn’t dare head out for a ride if any one of those batteries were not at 100 percent. These things were NOT concerns when I was riding with a biker gang on the mean streets of late-1960s Chicago.
You know what I DO like? A lot? My violin. It was hand-built by artisans and is basically the same design as the first violins from almost 500 years ago. It is no easier or harder to play in 2025 as the ones built in 1565. It’s somehow comforting to know that I can sound just as lousy now as I would have during Stradivari’s lifetime.But, if someone starts selling an electronic doodad that allows me to stream my violin to the speaker on my bike, you know I’ll be the first to pre-order it.