When I was a kid, the Winter Olympics were appointment TV. Skiing especially. Ingemar Stenmark, Vreni Schneider, Annemarie Moser-Pröll, Franz Klammer, Phil and Steve Maher, Jean Claude Killy: These were some of my childhood and young adulthood heroes. And of course, the 1980 Games in Lake Placid offered up some of the greatest moments in sports history.
But I haven’t strapped on a pair of skis in 20+ years, and my subscription to “Skiing” magazine lapsed in 1985.
So far in 2022, I think I have watched a total of about 15 minutes of the Olympics. I am not alone in my zealous disinterest in the whole affair. NBC’s ratings are at historic lows.
So why, oh, why do so few of us care about these Winter Olympic Games? Some possible reasons:
1.) It’s being held in China, an authoritarian dictatorship that is engaging in genocide at the same time figure skaters are doing their triple salchows. Not a good look…
2.) It’s being held in China, an authoritarian dictatorship that is treating every athlete in the world like a prison camp detainee in what is mockingly called an “Olympic Village.” This is, of course, so the world cannot get out and see the real China and talk to reporters and report back on what a dictatorship actually looks like. (Think Berlin Olympics, 1936…)
3.) It’s being held in China, an authoritarian dictatorship that gave birth to Covid, but now has a “zero tolerance” policy toward Covid, which provides a very convenient excuse to keep the world’s athletes in a prison camp.
4.) It’s being held in China, an authoritarian dictatorship that is 13 hours ahead of the United States, so that by the time events air in prime time in the U.S., they have been reported, analyzed, dissected, tweeted and forgotten. Not exactly “at the edge of your seat” thrills for the TV audience.
5.) The International Olympic Committee is a sad joke. The original three finalist host countries for these games were Norway, Kazakhstan and China. Norway, the natural choice, wisely bailed out early, citing how utterly entitled, corrupt and contemptible the members of the IOC were. That left Kazakhstan, who didn’t have enough bribe money and China, who had all the bribe money on Earth. So China got the games, even though every inch of snow at these games had to be manmade because Beijing has roughly the same winter climate as Wilmington, Delaware, where no Olympics were ever, nor will ever be held.
6.) Besides skiing, hockey and figure skating, these sports are, well… let’s just call them “obscure.” From sledding (luge) to tobogganing (bobsledding) to falling (ski jumping), these are sports that pretty much none of us ever do or watch, except for the Olympics. (And not even then, apparently.) And don’t get me started on shuffleboard (curling). As a sports reporter colleague of mine once said back in my radio days: “If you can play it while holding a drink and a cigarette, it’s not a sport.”
7.) The international travesty that is Russia. In 2014, Russia embarked on a massive doping/cheating regime and was caught red-handed. The IOC, being a bunch of feckless plutocrats, decided to punish Russia by… doing absolutely nothing. All the Russian athletes who want to compete get to compete. They just do so as members of the “Russia Olympic Committee” instead of “Russia.” Wow. That’s some rough justice there. And where did it land us? With another accusation of Russian doping/cheating in the 2022 Games, this time by the star of the Russian figure skating team (who happens to be 15, but what’s a little bovine growth hormone injected into a child when the reputation of Mother Russia is at stake?)
8.) I am sure if I spent any time watching NBC’s coverage, I would not see a whole lot of actual competition, but rather features on some select athletes, including a 25-minute canned piece on how when an accountant from Bismarck’s childhood pet iguana lost a leg in a sledding accident, she was inspired to take up skeleton racing. (Yes, skeleton is an Olympic “sport.” It’s luge, but headfirst.)
9.) Want to know where/how to watch the Olympics? Good luck with that. It’s streaming on InstaFaceTwitt, plus premium content is available on the app, which has to be linked to your cable provider or comes free if you sign up for a year of T-Mobile but only for new subscribers or anyone switching from Verizon but not AT&T, who is the official mobile provider but don’t bring your phone to China where it can be confiscated, searched and you can be jailed for… whatever.
10.) Most of us would rather watch the SuperBowl, Cobra Kai or Andy Griffith reruns.
So, IOC, China and NBC – you’ll forgive us if your sham Olympics in a country run by international criminals and overseen by a sham organization is not appointment viewing for a good chunk of the civilized world. It’s just that these days, we have to be selective in the lies and bullshit we are forced to consume, and your Olympics just don’t make the cut.